Wednesday, August 31, 2005

i'm not happy with the decision that i make!i wanna break down.
i have been crying this few days!i'm like reali reali lost now
but lucky got my cousins and other frenzs to encourage me.
thanks alot people!i never forget you people!love you all!
i think i never goanna cut my hand anymore.
what my father was true!its not worth to cut for people
especially those people that hurt me badly!i should leave them
its not worth crying for them too!cause i hate crying now
i dun wan people to worry for me!i love everyone to smile
cause the smile will always look best on them!
i just wanna suffer it alone!i dun wanna drag people down
i know i hurt joan badly!i'm sorry i didn't trust you..
i read your blog and i know i am in the wrong...
but i will not beg for your forgiveness!cause i deserve it
your msn nick oso referring to me!i'm sorry to hurt you
u say u tears!so pls dun tears anymore!i know i'm wrong
but dun worry!i'm not going to bother you anymore
i will not tel you any of my stuff anymore.dun wanna bother u
so at least u dun have to be sad anymore or anything!
i'm sorry tat i hurt you!i'm truly sorry!do hate me pls
i know i am a bitch!so pls hate me!i will feel better
yup....anyway just sorry for hurting you.do smile!dun cry
alright!now i apologise to joan,its timee for me to break down.
i wanna cry cry cry!i'm feeling sad!i'm trying to control my tears
i dun wanna burst it out!i try not to cry for you!i will smile
i wil put a smile if i let you go!i won't cry in front of you.
i wan you to leave happily!dun wanna see u sad.....
cause it breaks my heart lots lots.i love to see u smile
cause you always look nice when u smile!i love tat smile
so promise me you will smile more!

10:20 PM

Tuesday, August 30, 2005

Errmm..this few days not reali feeling happy!maybe i think too much le bah
hate the feeling!i reali do!todae was sux..i cut my hand again!
and guess what?i embarass myself in schooll lahx.!i cry in the auditorium!
i dunnoe why i tears too???i tried to control but in the end,i burst it out!
my nu er all very shock to see me tears lahx.!cause i always so cheerful
haiz..but i reali feeling very sad!i cut my hand again!and it was serious
i cut through my flesh and everyone say i crazy de!cause i dun feel any pain
now my hand damm sucks!its swollen and its still bloody!
i reali dunnoe why i am into all this shit!it totally sucks...
i cut and cry because of her!omg..i think i am crazy okay!
i reali cannot believe all those shit i done for her!i think i am totaly insane
haiz..i dun wish to continue this relationship anymore.it hurts*
though i dun bear to let go but i think i have to let go
she is not meant for me and i am not meant for her!so its best we break!
i dun wanna get hurt anymore!i mean is like i actually tears in school
i dun usually tears in school and this time all my nu er saw lahx
can u imagine how ma lu it is??haiz..but i guess i am alright now
i dun wanna let my frenz see me sad!cause i know they will be sad too
just because i cut,my nu er cut too..i feel so hurt
i mean as in its not their fauult or anything!but they cut.i feel sad
i'm sorry to all my nu er!i let all of you down!you all should not cut
haiz...maybe if i break with her,everything will be back to normal!
trying my best not to think of anything now!cause i dun wan be sad
today went tiong with joan to buy thing and guess what??i saw my stead
we just walk pass each other lahx...i diao her can!i hope i did not see her
xiao yan was being nice!she say harlo to me!hahax..love you xiao yan
you are so damm damm nice!hahax.shall sayang you more
but nxt time when u with jovy and u see me,pls pls dun shout
"jovy your stead lei"cause u know we fight and ya..hahax
but anyway its okay!cause u didn't know we fight mahx..
but still anyway thanks for saying hi to me!hahax..you so sweet
ermm....guess i type enough rubbish here le bahx...yup
anyway my nu er!pls cheer up k!mummy is always here for you
anything can come find me!i will try my best to help you!!
i dun wanna see u sad anymore!and pls stop cutting your hand

8:31 PM

Friday, August 26, 2005

PPL!!!!I LOST MY MP3 CAN!!!I WAN DIE LE..SO HEART PAIN!
haiz...todae was a fucking bad day!i hate today..it sux!
todae wasn't my day k!everything just went so wrong..haiz.
i dunnoe whats with jovy can!i just ask abt her daddy,
she come say'looks like u care alot for her'...
i mean is like wth!iwas being concern as frenz lah
nothing much was going on can!i dun like her at all lah
i was concern den u say like tat!obviously not trusting me!
i dunnoe what to do lor!think what you wan lahx..dun care le
its just so what lahx....u dun trust me.i dunnow what to do!
haiz...u reali broke my heart!when i heard that!
i did not know right from the beginning,you dun trust me
if i know,i wouldn't bother anything le!its just so sux...
you think i like to care so much is it??i not so free lahx
i trying to ease your burden!i know your daddy sure bother u de
i just helping to help you only and u dun trust me
i sumtimes dun reali know what you wan!you hurt me lahx
over and over again!i trust u but u dun trust me!
i know you afraid that i leave you but trust me can
if u not going to trust me,we cannot survive long
soon or later,we going to break!i dun wan tat...
i wanna be by your side forever...but pls!trust me
i reali need the trust in you!i reali do!pls pls pls....
i dun wanna hurt myself anymore!i had enough
those cuts on my hand were for you!
and u think i cut for nothing!it broke my heart 2 hear this
you always think i care for others more den u
its not true okay!i care 4 u more den them
believe it or not?i reali care about u...

10:10 PM

Thursday, August 18, 2005

Todae had accounts paper and i'm suppose its fine!well i dunnoe lahx....
its counted easy and its counted hard!so overall,it was normal lahx...i only know some
hahax...counted myself stupid or something bah!haiz..no choice cause i am stupid..
todae went tiong after school!and it was damm bad luck for me!i bump into alot of ppl
and those are the people that i dun wanna see de can!except from some...yup!
Hmm..i bump into my darling whole family lahx...den they come question me
cause i was suppose to watch movie with them but i bluff say i was not free...
if i knoe,i wouldn't bluff lah!haiz...den after saw sk!not bad lor..at least got tok
oh ya!GUESS WHAT???WE PATCH BACK WITH SK LE!SURPRISED RIGHT???haha
den after,saw peggy and others..i hurry walk away can!haiz...todae was bad!
den when i was going to take bus,jovy mummy family come again!so scary can
but lucky i got into the bus!so the couldn't do anything!hahaxx.but it was like damm scary
we were like playing catchin!and after i got up the bus,she say'YOU GOOD'
hahax....well not say i want avoid you all de!is because i got check up.so sorry anyway
but in the end went back tiong to meet jovy can!hahaxx....we stay at the exist lah
den when going up,saw the ah beng again!he keep looking at me lahx.
haiz reali dunoe what he wants too?just hope will not see him anymore
todae was quite fun!my darling,joan and i were having fun.we throw chocolate at ppl
hahax..den we make alot of jokes and laugh!it was damm noisy can!hahaxx.....
i was damm tired lah!den in the end,i sleep on my darling bag!hahaxx.......
she damm retard lah!she pinch me can!now got abit blue black le...so idiot
but anyway overall todae was fun lahx.....

11:43 PM

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

Hmm...shall blog what todae???i'm feeling moody and sad!guess many people knows
i reali dunnoe whats wrong with me..i'm always looking trouble for myself!
maybe we should break up!i think thats the best solution i can think of
i reali dunnoe what to do now!damm lost!haiz....i want to say baby,i'm sorry
i did not treasure u well!i let you down!maybe u prefer her den me..well i guess
i reali dunnoe!maybe i shall leave quietly!where no one knows...i'm sad now
i feel like breaking down and cry!i'm afaid to lose you yet i chose to let you go
i truly dunnoe what i wan!i feel stupid...i feel hurt.i feel everything..
its something where i cannot describe!looks like u no longer need me...
so i rather leave u now!i dun wan deeper scars...it will hurt alot!i know it myself
i show you concern but did you show me concern!you were playing me
playing me right from the beginning....i dun wan to be a fool anymore
i do treasure this relationship alot!but i guess u dun...you were playing me
well i guess leaving u is still my best choice!at least i will not be hurt.
you reali have hurt me alot of times..i tears for you but do you care
even if i tears,i dare not tel anyone but keep it inside my heart!i feel bad now
i reali dun wan to have miserable life!i'm already starting to get miserable
i dun wan to end up with depression!cause it sux.the feeling sux
i dun wanna ended up in my uncle footsteps..where i kill myself to solve things
i reali dun wan!i dun wan!cause i know if i kill myself,i'll be letting myself down
haiz....i reali dunnoe what to do!but if killing myself is best for me,
i would do it!i dun care what happen next.all i wan is to just solve everything!
i cannot tolerate the pain anymore!its hurting me..i wan to be a happy girl
i wanna be back the girl who always have smile on her face....

7:44 PM

i know its my fault!i have hurt you badly!i dunnoe what to do!i'm feeling sad now
i wanna break down and cry!i couldn't control my tears anymore!its so hurting
people asking me why i am sad?but i just dun wanna say!cause i would tears in the end
so i rather keep it to myself..not letting anyone know about my problems...
haiz...i reali dunoe what to do?i am lost!damm lost now!can anyone help me?
i feel like giving up but i dun bear!i reali dunnoe what my hearts wan...its so hurting
if i know my ending will be like this,i wouldn't even have fall for you!
it just breaks my heart so much!numberous of scars on my hearts!nvm.learn to accept it
i hope i can just calm down and think over everything again!i dunnoe what to do???
should i continue loving her?or should i break with her???
i can sense tat this relationship will not have happiness at all!i dunnoe.i am lost
thanks joan for helping me in everything k!i appreciate..u ask me not to break
but i am not sure....all i can say is that leave it to fate bah!i got nothing to say
but maybe we will continue....i dunnoe.i reali dunnnoe
feeling stressed!haiz..

12:07 AM

Sunday, August 14, 2005

What a fucking day i having...i totally did not expect things will turn out like this
my uncle went missing since yesterday and just nice his house there got people jump down
everyone was worried thinking if it was him cause all the particulars matches..
only todae den they can see the bodies!and know what!its reali him..i cannot believe it at all
i reali did not expect tat he will jump down!its reali very hard for me to accept!
when my mother cal back,i down there huh reali!i went blank can!i just cannot accept it
maybe he is not close to me but after all still my uncle lahx...still will feel sad de lor!
haiz..well forget it lah!dun wanna say anymore le..shall blog more toniight..

11:48 AM

Friday, August 12, 2005

Todae was bad!kanna scolding from father,piano teacher too!so fucking pissed...
Todae i make my darling angry again!feel so bad...i'm sorry darling!i will not push you to her le
haiz..i damm worry for my darling lah!her mother wan put her go girls home..i dun wan can
it hurt me so much when i heard she was quiting school and going girls home...i am sad
and when i was on the way home,i tears in the bus can!believe it or not!its true anyway
i reali willingly to kneel to her mother lah!asking her not to send her to girls home.
haiz..i reali dunnoe!i am worried for her!but she dun seem to bother at all!
everytime i ask her how,she would say go girls home den go lah!haiz..i reali dunnoe
Darling ar!can you dun always make me worry for you..i dun wan you like ur daddy can
as your stead,it reali hurts me to see you going girls home!especially when come to probation.
i couldn't even meet you longer!you have to go back early! i dun wan tat...
darling pls pls i beg you...behave yourself!if not your mother wil send you go girls home de
i reali dun wish to see you go girls home!but if no choice,i oso cannot do anything le
but i will still love you!dun worry..i will wait for you de!so u dun need worry about me
i promise you i will take good care of myself de!if you go in!yup...but i hope not
i hope you can be with me everyday!i love you darling.i dun wan lose you
you ask me if i love you with all my heart!i didn't dare answer cause i wasn't sure
but now i can telll you!I TRULY LOVE YOU WITH ALL MY HEART!I PROMISE
I NEVER EVER WANNA LET YOU GO!UNLESS YOU TEL ME YOU DUN LUV ME LE.
BUT I HOPE I ONLY HEAR THE WORD I LUV YOU!AND NOT THE WORD BREAk
CAUSE IT WILL REALI HURT ME..YUP DARLING!I LOVE YOU 4EVER..
TRUST ME!BECAUSE I MEANT WHAT I SAY!YUP

4:11 PM

Tuesday, August 09, 2005

Darling i'm happy to patch back with you! this time i can see that you change alot 4 me!
Dun worry,i promise i will not mention break up! cause i truly love you with all my heart..
that day you hold my hand tightly and say you afraid i might run away.but dun worry
i will not run away de!i will forever be by your side!Trust me!cause i mean what i say
thanks for protecting me in anyway!whenever i'm in trouble,you will save me from it.
whenever i'm sad,you cheer me up!whenever i'm being bullied,you took revenge for me...
thanks for everything!i reali hope that you will be forever by my side!i truly do...
i'm not sure what would become of me if you leave me 1 day?i'm reali scare if this day happen
promise me darling that you will never leave me!cause i reali need you in my life.
yesterday you say that if the world doesn't have me,your heart still have me!
you meant what you say?i happy to hear this lahx..it reali melts my heart can!ilu*darling
i'm thankful for those things you done 4 me!thank you darling..i appreciate it alot..

When the visions around you,
Bring tears to your eyes
And all that surround you,
Are secrets and lies
I'll be your strength,
I'll give you hope,
Keeping your faith when it's gone
The one you should call,
Was standing here all along..
And I will takeYou in my arms
And hold you right where you belong
Till the day my life is through
This I promise you
This I promise you
I've loved you forever,
In lifetimes before
And I promise you never...
Will you hurt anymore
I give you my word
I give you my heart (give you my heart)
This is a battle we've won
And with this vow,
Forever has now begun...
Just close your eyes (close your eyes)
Each loving day (each loving day)
I know this feeling won't go away (no..)
Till the day my life is through
This I promise you..
This I promise you..
Over and over I fall (over and over I fall)
When I hear you call
Without you in my life baby
I just wouldn't be living at all...
And I will take (I will take you in my arms)
You in my arms
And hold you right where you belong (right where you belong)
Till the day my life is through
This I promise you baby
Just close your eyes
Each loving day (each loving day)
I know this feeling won't go away (no..)
Every word I say is true
This I promise you
Every word I say is true
This I promise youOoh,
I promise you...

8:58 PM

Friday, August 05, 2005

This is to let you know that all my feelings for you can never fully go
i love you and miss you,even one second away.with all my heart!ilu*
thats what you send to me!but i'm sorry i mention breaking up again!
i did not mean it de!i wasn't able to cool down at that time..i'm sorry my darling!
pls stop cutting your hand!i promise i will not mention it again! sorry darling....
can you forgive me? i reali cannot live without you! you're so important to me
i not lying in anway!i'm speaking the truth!i hope you forgive me....darling
all i just wanna say is that i love you darling!forever loving you..

2:40 PM

This whole week have been meeting my darling lah!abit sianx lah but hai hao lah
joan was being damm sweet can! she always accompany me to meet her..thanks joan!love you
but my darling was being idiotic can!always i have to wait for her de! so idiot.
Hmm... yesterday wasn't fun at all! quarrel with joan at great world because she wanted to leave
cause my darling the mummy&daddy came along..she say she felt extra lor..so in the end,
she left lah!leaving me with my darling and her parents there..guess i felt extra too bah!
being with them is quite scary can!nearly have some gang fight there..
but in the end settle le! my darling mummy was so scare can...until she want to leave
her daddy was surprised i not scare lah! she was being retarded lah!nvm..yup!
after that we went seperates way!my darling brought me to joan house to get my bag
she was kind of sweet lah! but damm idiot...keep making me!trying to hold my hand too...
but i purposely dun let her hold!hahaxx..she wanted to strangle me can! idiot lor..
hahaxx...after everything,i went to meet my mother.yup!i just miss my darling so much
she always come sweet talk to me can!damm idiot lahx... but i still kind of enjoy lah!
Hmm...nv msg xing and jedd for quite long le! hope they doing fine bah! yup..
today my darling bringing me to see stars lah! she so sweet! but i not confirm yet..sad sad
iHmm... darling i got something to say to you okay! i hope you will not feel sad or anything k!
Hmm..though we just stead not long, but i reali love you alot de..trust me
but the problems between us is because we dun have the trust there..u always doubt me
always getting jealous over small things... i reali wonder if we should break up??confused lah
you say that you would give up everything just to be with me..i dunnoe if i can trust you
it seem like you haven forget your ex yet!i reali dunnoe what to do now!i am confused can
you always say you love me with all your heart...but i doubt so can! the feeling is not there
i know you care for me and stuff! but what i wan is the trust between the both of us
you keep doubting me lah!i reali dunnoe what to do can?i hope you change
dun worry baby!i will love you with all my heart!and i will never ever leave you!ilu*
no matter what others say about you, i would still stick with you de! dun worry...

1:29 PM

Wednesday, August 31, 2005

Tuesday, August 30, 2005

Friday, August 26, 2005

Thursday, August 18, 2005

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

Sunday, August 14, 2005

Friday, August 12, 2005

Tuesday, August 09, 2005

Friday, August 05, 2005

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