thats when ii love you .
Tuesday, February 28, 2006
todae damm sad for miie lahx..haixquarrel with baby over her thinghaiz..i'm sorry baby!reali reali sorryi just dun wanna make things bigblame miie if you wan..haixi know you are still angry with miiebut ii reali dun wanna say who.sorryii hope euu can understand how i feelits not easy being miie alright..haixhave euu ever wonder how i felt?do you even consider my feelings at all?haix..i got nothing to say lle.haizxi cry but no use oso.euu wontt knoweuu will nv know the pain and tearssorry baby!i'm reali reali sorry.haix..blame miie if euu wan bahxi got nothing to say le..haix.sorryall i can say is a word sorry
10:24 PM
Sunday, February 26, 2006
todae was like damm sianx lahx..haixwent piano lesson den went parkwaywent there to make a new sim cardokay finally i got back my sim card lebut but but i got to use the same phonewhich i hate it alot can..whatever yaquite pissed off lahx..fuck siai must wait till nexy year den can get phonei am like not going to wait lahx..fucki wanna a phone right now can.oh wellnvm.recently i just bought a phonejust waiting for it to arrive only.so yaahhhhh!!!ii feel so fucking bored right nowi dunnoe where my baby have goneshe dun seem to reply my msg lahxhaix.maybe she sleeping liao bahx..i dunnoe if i can trust her again.i dunnoe whether we can lastthere is alot of question in my mind nowi'm reali confuse and stuff..haixi think i am going to break down soonwell i dunnoe oso lahx.haix haixfeeling so stress right now.anyway tml having maths paperi never even study at all lahx..like wtfhmm...i think tml den blog bahxbaby i just wan to tell youi'm so in love with you
10:53 PM
Friday, February 24, 2006
todae was like damm shit lahx..haixsteph nv come school todae can..lucky got tricia and bahiah with miieif not ii think ii will just die lahx.haixtodae was damm boring in schooli seriously hate school okay..it suxduring maths class ii cut my handden the blood drip.and guess whatthose ppl around miie got no tissueso bahiah have to go toilet help miie takeshe was damm nice okay..so coolhahax..after recess it suck okayokay whatever shall not say too muchafter school went bukit merahwent with tricia cliques lor..went macden on the way reaching le,i saw ah dai can..oh god.he dye his hairii very long nv see him liao can..anywy after went mac to eat lor.den after steph came we went great worldhaix..something bad happen again..den after i go exit cut my hand lahx..and there was no tissue for miie lorso i have to walk to toilet to take lahxnow my hand look horrible k..hahaxcause now my cut all at wrist there.hahaxi dun find it pain lahx..i feel nothingmaybe i'm reali numb le bahx..haixden after saw ting ting and liqi...oh fuckgot into some trouble with them..cause ting was looking at us denshow huiting attitude...dunnoe how sayanyway just went to tok to her lahx..yasteph went to kick the dustbin can.she so damm the cool lahx..oh godi feel so odd there can..hahx.oh godcause i was the only 1 wearing uniformwell nvm..reach home at 10.30didn't bother to call my mother too..ii miss my baby so much lahx..haixi reali got nothing to day anymore le..haixi just feel lke breaking down right now.
11:02 PM
Thursday, February 23, 2006
haix..todae totally so damm bored lahx.haix
after school went tiong with steph..
went there to eat.den after saw alot of people
saw weisuan there.hahax her mother too
den saw bobo,yanling,alex,andrew and etc
cannot remember too.cause too many liao
hahax.den after went mac there to slack
saw yushan den sit with her..hahax.so funny
we down theree keep joking and stuff
den after liling came say hi from outside
hahax..got a shock lahx...like omg can
den after saw ting ting too..as in the outram 1
den they 2 came in and join us slack together
liling from ytd till todae haven finish her ss lahx.
feel like beating her up can..oh gosh.hahaxi'm feeling so sianz right now lahx..haixliling and me was bitching about ____.hahax..shall not reveal out the name lahx.hahxliling was like saying she is ugly and stuffyushan was like saying she very slut.hahaxoh gosh i did not know so many ppl dislike herokok enough of bitching that person lahxhaix.anyway baby and me got problem againbaby tonight giving me her answer..haixi know we will nv be back together anymorenvm.i think i should reali let her go lahx.i'm reali too selfish to hold her backthough it hurts..but i know i have to.maybe baby would be happier bahxi'm willing to do anything just to make baby happyif letting her go she will be happy,i 'm willing to let go.i know it will be painfulbut as long as baby is happy i'm finei dun mind if baby hurt me or whati just wanna see her happy.haix..but i know i will miss baby like hellnvm nvm..i hope baby can find happinessi reali dun wanna hear any answer from hercause i know she will insist we stay tis wayhaix.nvm.i shall pretend i nv say anything lortreat it as nothing have happen before.haixwo de xin zhen de shou shang le..haixbaby ii promisee ii will let go..haix
7:49 PM
Monday, February 20, 2006
todae i am so so de sianx lahx..haixstay in school till 4 plus lahx.wtf canmrs chu ask me stay to do englishis like i dun reali like can.whateverden call me do so many things.fuck siaanyway i just feel so sianz right nowactually suppose to go tiong debut steph and weisuan cannot waitso they went off and go home[i suppose]den i took a cab home lor..haixwhat a boring life i have now lahxbecause of that stupid probation.since so boring.i shall blog what happen ytdafter piano went out with weisuan lahxas usual we went great world lor..yupden went they play arcade and stuff lorden after weisuan frenz came and meet usden went kfc slack again.after went arcadeafter playing for a while,we went home lorden when walking out,i saw ronald lahxask him where is bertram they allcause is like he is alone.so weird lahxden after bought kfc home for my parentsthey say its the leftover den i give them delike wtf can.i nv even eat at all lor..fuckanyway tok to steph online lahx.hahaxis like finally have the courage to tok to herwant to tok to joan too..but but buti dunnoe how open my mouth lahx..haixcause i hope everythign can like beforewhere we 1 whole big cliques togetherden tok and laugh lahx.haix.nvmi hope its not possible de..so nvm loranyway ytd i cut my hand again for babyand total i cut about 100 plus le.haixytd i cut my wrist area again..haixden blood just keep dripping down my handno matter how i stop the blood,it nv stopjust keep flowing lahx.haix.well forget iti know i should not think too much lahxcause maybe baby reali dun love her lebut i still got the feeling baby still like herhaix..i reali dunnoe now.so confuse now lahxcan anyone teach me what to do.haixi'm reali tired of thinking and crying le
5:59 PM
Saturday, February 18, 2006
went to acjc funfair todae.kind of boring lahx
cause i am not those funfair type lahx.so ya
went there with weisuan lahx..hahx
reach there le den meet daryl to take ticket..
ok den walk around and slack lahx.so sianx
den i went to draw my hand.it looks horrible
hahax..cause the butterfly look destroyed
den after went back to find daryl..hahax
after he say his prize was not enough lahx
so i had to travel just to help him buy
den when coming back that time,
i and weisuan feel so malu okay!hahax
cause we were carrying 3 plastic bags
and yes.plastic bags lahx..so malu can.
den after daryl comment on my butterfly
he just say why is it so destroyed..
den say i got tatoo very big ar..is like wtf
i nv even say i was big lahx..whatever sia
is like hao xin mei hao bao okay.
help him buy prize den he comment me.
okay!anyway he say i look liike ah lian lahx
which i totally disagree okay..okay whatever
den after went to meet gerald soo lahx
oh gosh.his stall was kind of failure lahx.
cause very little ppl play!maybe no one is playing
cause his stall was at the back..ya
den after saw daryl,larry and keith..
so went over to call them.so funny lahx
i almost cannot recongise larry can.
cause he totally change lahx.like 1 ah beng
somemore dye his hair red.so jealous can
den after daryl ask us to walk with him
so we follow them around lor..hmm...
we wanted to go haunted hse de.but i scare
hahax..so in the end we gave up on going
plus it was quite long queue..so ya
saw alot of stc girls too..hahax...
left there at around 5 plus.cause of weisuan
she wanted to go home.so i went home too
couldn't get a cab from outside lahx
and plus it was drizzling lahx.i'm so wet lahx
den after call my father fretch us home..
baby i know you wil nv be mine again.
i know what happen is already the past
but i will not let go.cause i love you baby ii promiisee ii will wait
11:15 PM
Friday, February 17, 2006
todae was like so borign for me lahx.haixafter school went home straight lahx..suppose to meet someone at tiong de..but cannot contact tht person..haixso i went home lor.was quite angryso kind of quarrel with that someone lahxbut anyway we both okay liao.because she dun wanna quarrel with me.haix..life isn't good for me right nowso many things is happening lahx..haixit seem like everyone is cutting their handsteph phua,joan,ting,stephanie and me cutis like all of us is cutting.i dunnoe why toobut steph and weisuan say mine is the deepest.i mean deepest among all lahx..haixi seriuosly dun think so lor.i dunno toobut can say i cut through my flesh..yamany saw my flesh split open and got blood in itnow i look at my hand i feel digusted lahx.cause can see the flesh split open...haixden somemore can see like a hole there.yanot trying to tell ppl how er xin lahx.yabut its the fact lor.haix.ppl thinks i'm madcause i cut like 75 cuts lahx.haix.and the 75 cuts is ppl count de lahx..when they told me i got a shock cancause i dunnoe i cut so many time lahx.and mostly i cut back the same woundas in haven recover yet i go cut again.yajoan cut alot of line i guess.i dunnoe toosteph cut too.think 20 something linesteph phua i dunnoe oso.should be alot bahx.anywy i'm missing my baby right now lahxi wonder when she will stop hurting mecause my heart cantt take it anymorei'm like goin to breakdown soon lahxwill anyone teach me what to do.haixcause i'm reali lost.i'm reali reali very losti need my baby with me.but does she knowi cut because of her.does she know??does she know how much she have hurt me?my heart and whole body is totally numb nowi can no longer feel pain anymore..haixis like i just cut my hand and when i scratch my handi dun even any pain at all lahx..is like omg cani dun feel any pain can.am i reali feeling numb?[when will i be happy again??][when will i feel pain again??][when will i b happy again??]
11:28 PM
Wednesday, February 15, 2006
this is all i can show how much it hurts to love youtodae damm sianx lahx..went home at 4 plus
omg probation totally sucks okay..like wtf lahx
i latest have to reach home is at 5 lahx.like wth
anyway later going great world..have to go lahx
cause i need pass present and question didi too
heard something and wasn't reali happy about it
if its reali true den i shall disown her bahx.ya ya
i know i'm abit bad.but no choice lor.haix..
yupyup. todae in school quite sianx lahx..
keep seeing li ling lahx..den she keep smiling to me
she saw the cut on my hand lahx..hahax so funny
she went like'ouch..its so painful lahx'hahax
she is so cute lahx.but quite lame too lahx.hahax
anyway after scchool went tiong to eat..
went to buy my books first lahx.so lame can
den wanted to go kopitiam to eat de..
but in the end we went long john to eat lahx..
cause we saw ronald.manting and shirley there
steph didn't wwant see them so we went long john
anyway after there saw our classmates.hahax
it was like so funny can..okok whatever lahx
den went up to more den words..saw tricia
saw stephanie upstairs too..but nv say hi lahx
anyway todae was such a boring day lahx
alright i think its getting boring soon le..ya
oh ya anyway weisuan and me on cold war
because of some things lahx..its kind of lame lahx
so shall not say wht happen okay.hehex..ya ya
anyway ytd did not meet up with baby at all.haix
was kind of feeling disappointed in her laahx..
but its okay de.i will learn to accept it.yup
cause i know its going to be over soon..
cause i have no confident in myself anymore le
i'm tired of cutting myself too le..haix
i know ppl care for me..and i just hurt them like this
i know i hurt my father the most lahx
cause when he saw my cut,his face was like sad
he look abit disappointed in me too..haix..
jiabao saw my hand too.alot saw lahx..haix
my didi saw too.she was like saying she so heartpain
baby cut her hand because of me too..haix
mrs chu say she saw my hand oso heartpain.
but is like whatever lahx..hahax so lame can
baby nv cut as much as me.she cut abit only
i seriuosly dun wan her cut her hand lahx..haix
cause it breaks my heart too..haix
i cut my hand its because of her lahx..
but i seriusly dun wan her cut because of me..haix
[baby i can nv show how much i love you][but i can show how much it hurts me to love you][i'm nothing but just a broken heart girl]
5:48 PM
Monday, February 13, 2006
just came back from harbour front..hehexgot into some conflicts there again.haixbut the salesperson reali damm fucked typeanyway bought alot of things lahx.hahaxbought pooh,biscuit,chocolate and marshmallowden carry so many plastic bag.hahaxi look like some auntie okay.i admit lahxden bus together with steph.hahaxshe is like so lame lahx..bought only for danpingden totally forget abt wan tian.haix.hopelessbut in the end i gave her my biscuit.hahaxso at least now she got something to givethis year not giving alot of peoplecause i am broke lahx...sad case can.haixlalala..i am so bored right now..haixi keep sneezing can.like what the hell lahxsince like afternoon till now lahx..den like having flu like that.which is notomg i seriously dunnoe wht happen lahxdunnoe if i allergic to anything anothaix...anyway baby and me haven okay yetshe refuse to call me or pick up my callbut nvm lahx..let her cool down first lor..tomorrow valentine day le.so fast cantml going out with weisuaan watch moviecause she say she wanna spend with mehmm....we are not lesbian lahx..hahaxjust that we wanted to spend it together.yaso ppl dun think too much ya..hahax.yaabout baby..i dunnoe her lahx..haixguess maybe got ppl date her out bahxi oso dunnoe too.well forget it lahx..i leave it up to fate le bahx..haixi oso dun wanna think too much too..cause it will make me cry more and more sadden end up can cause me to cut my handi seriuosly dun wanna cut anymore le..cause i already cut more den enough le.is like everyday i have been cutting lor.haixnvm nvm..i leave everything up to fate
8:37 PM
Sunday, February 12, 2006
just came back home from great world
got into some trouble there.haixnot me of course.but its weisuan.haixi wonder what will happen sia.anyway hope nothign will happenweisuan left early because of her mumso left me and steph there..went kfc to eatgreat world todae got alot of ppl lahxsaw clarice,bertram,manting,ronald,alex,shirley etctodae at kfc totally sucks okay.wtfi saw some gross ppl acting cute lahx.oh godit was like so fucking er xin can.fuck lahxanyway andrew and alex damm shit cango mess up my hair..fuck sia..especially alexkeep messing up my hair lahx..fuck lahxandrew is the most idiot de lahx..damm swaysaw him at bugis den saw him at great world toolike wth can.so dao mei lahx..haix..anyway i am missing my baby now.i'm sorry i show you attitude todae.so sorrybut seriously i was angrybecause u neglect mei guess tonight you will not call me le.maybe we will be on cold war i oso dunnoe.i just hope you know how i feel right nowi dun feel nice when we have cold war.cause my heart hurts so much..haixi'm reali tired of cutting my hand le.i'm oso tired of crying le..haix.can i just breakdown.haix i dunnoe too
11:34 PM
Saturday, February 11, 2006
ytd went to zion road to eat.den saw joan and her family.after went to esplanade therebut i nv follow my mother.ii went tiong to meet weisuanden my father went to pubeveyone went their own ways.hahaxden after saw mr ng at tiongme and weisuan get shock lahxcause i 10 plus went tiongden he was outside breadtalk.so me and weisuan went arcadebut it was like so damm boringno one was inside lahx.so sianxden after head down to great worlldwhile walking out,we keep looking aroundwe thought mr ng have left liao lahx.but who knows suddenly his head pop upme and weisuan got shock lahx.hahaxden we keep on laughing lahx.so funny canden after went great world there..went arcade there to slack.was sianx lahxden after went kim seng there.while walking saw ting and this guy.did not bother to say anything too.cause its like wasting my saliva.den after went to buy food at kim sengwanted to play pool but weisuan wans to leavecause she scare her mother would scold.so we left.wanted to wait for bus debut in the end we took cab home lahx.so fucking idiot can.there was no cabso we went taxi stannd there to take.who knows no cab too.so sway lahxso we walk our way to zouk therecause there was hell lots of taxi thereas alot of ppl went clubbing mahx..rreach home around 12 bahx..den went to slack in my room lor.sms my baby lahx.glad she replyand i know something i dun wanna knowand that is she still love herall she said to me was just a lie.haixi reali hope i dunnoe anything at allcause it reali hurts my heart like helli reali dun wanna leave in darkness anymorecause i have enough of everything.maybe we were not meant to be.no matter how hard i try,theres still a holea hold in between us.haix.so just forget itmaybe its time to let you go.i'm sorryi seriuosly dun bear to let you go at all.maybe i shall mke my decision tonight bahxmaybe i should give you a chance to explainhaix.forget it lahx.i dun wanna say le[my heart hurts when you lie to me][but it hurts me more if you dun love me][so pls say you love me baby]
3:06 PM
Thursday, February 09, 2006
i seriously hate school right now lahx.everyday getting into trouble.so shitthis morning my father went school againguess my father second time go school lespeak to miss phee,mrs chu and madam leongit was like so shit okay.school suxmy father never scold me of course.but in fact he was kind of helping me.so coolall teachers thought my father wil scold mebut they were wrong.i was not scoldedmrs chu went to say i smoke.whatever lahxbut at least my father know and he allowbut only to a certain extent lahx..hahaxbut he knowws i will never ever touch drugs.mrs chu ask my mother to check my bodyto see if i got any tatoo or anything.like wtflucky my father help me again.hehexseriously i was like damm lucky lahx..i wanted to make tatoo ytd.but in the end nvcause i got to rush home.so damm luckyi show my father black face lahx..damm shitmrs chu wanted me to say who i hang out withand their name and what school.fuck siaand i kept quiet lahx.i did not wan to sayden i show my father black face.he knows i'm angrybut anyway later in the end i say the name outthey promise me not to find them de.so its okayif they reali find,i swear i will create trouble for the schoolso damm shit lahx.haix..so damm stupidand i was like keep telling my father the school is biasthey keep picking on ppl like me lahx.wtf cani oso nv create any trouble lor.so shit lahx...i might wan to transfer school.cause i hate stcthis school reali do sucks lahx.i make a wrong choiceif i know i would not have chose this school lahxanyway enough of saying school things lahxi am missing my baby right now lahx.haixtodae she nv call me at all.i am sadytd my heart feels so pain after toking to her[Did I lose my love to someone better?And does she love you like I do?I do, you know I really really do]
11:03 PM
Tuesday, February 07, 2006
todae damm fucking sway in school lahx.get suspended from class because i am latelike harlo.i just went toilet only lor.ok whatever lahx.so went to library.it was like so boring lahx pls.omgi cannot even go class lor.like wtfanyway after school went to see madam leongok den i was caught for alot of things lahxlike belt,length of uniform and socks.ok whatever lahx.todae sucks like fuck okayi think i transfer school or quite school betterthis school reali sucks like hell lahx.idiotafter went tiong to eat.ate steamboat.hehexso long nv eat liao lahx.it was nice okayden after head down to great world to slackden went bus stop,saw jovy ong.like omg cani use weisuan to hide my face lahx.but haizshe was damm dao okay.nv even say harlo lahxok whatever sia.shall not tok too much abt her too.saw ronald at great world lahx.hahaxi was there hiding can.but but but....ronald saw me.he damm idiot okayhe was like dun need hide lahx.i saw you ku dun need to siam de lahx.whatever sia.hahaxi am damm disappointed right now.baby lie to mei was feeling sad lahx.i dun feel nice right nowwhy baby have to treat me like this.i hate itdo i have to cut my hand again beause of her..i already cut my hand because of something leand its oso related to her de.haix.must i reali cut again..i reali dunnoee.haix haixdoes baby reali love me??i hope i know the answerand now i know how much i mean in her hearti am just so dissapointed and broken hearted.
8:25 PM
Saturday, February 04, 2006
cousins just left my hse not long ago..todae was quite fun lahx.not badgamble abit.but all lose to banker.so shitthe banker won 60-70 cash money.i am like damm jealous okay.win so muchi think i lose badly todae.so dao mei siatml going my auntie hse eat steamboatyumyum..i love steamboat lahx.hahax..todae simply just stay at home lahx.nv even go out.so cannot blog more..anyway ii do miss my baby right now..i hope my baby give me a call right now.i just miss toking to my baby lahx..haixi just hope everything will end here right now.i seriously hate to cry le.i'm tired.i'm reali tiredi dun wanna feel jealous anymore.the feeling suxcan we just end it here.i dun wanna continue anymore.cause the feeling sucks..i hate to tears.i'm so sorry that i treated you badly.
11:58 PM
Friday, February 03, 2006
just came back not long.haix so siaanx lahxtodae went baby xing hse for dinner..did not eat at all lahx..me and weisuan left earlybecause she got tuition and i got probation.den while walking decided not to go home le.so went great world after weisuan tuition..wanted to play arcade but arcade kind of close leso decided to go play pool.went mac buy food.saw shirley,manting,ronald and edsel.hahaxden while buying food,clarice and bertram camewas like so many ppl lahx..so surprised to see themden outside mac was meekee and the rest lahx.cannot reali remember who.was damm crowded lahxnearly the whole mac ppl is we know de.hahaxden after when we went to play pool,saw andrew and his gang there lahx.damm shit cansee him in the afternoon den night oso see him.ok anyway he down there disturb me lahx.ask the auntie dun give me table.fuck siabut in the end i got a table.hahax..was crowded tooden after play for a while,shirley they all come.shirley damm shit lahx.down there call me dear canden after they suddenly say what bertram wan jio metotally crap lahx.okok watever sia.forget it....after father fretch me..fretch weisuan home too.hehexden we went to eat.i complain everything to my fatherabt some stupid stuff lahx.hahax.ok i know i am lameehaix.just went school for 2 days and got into troubletodae got into trouble with weisuan.so sway lahxokok shall not say much too lahx.hahax....tml cousin coming my hse.happy happy..shall blog more tml bahx..hahax..[now i realise i make a mistake][i seriously want you back][i was wrong.i make a mistake][i reali dun wan be jealous anymore]
12:43 AM
Wednesday, February 01, 2006
harlo everyone.i am like so bored nowpon school todae.so sianz lahx.if know i would not have pon sia.haixytd went to my cousin hse to eat..theyy hire lion dance too..was quite funbut the price was more fun sia.hahaxden gamble with my uncle.damm funwe all won away his money lahx.i only took out 2 bucks to playand i have 13 bucks back.hahaxcan u imagine we cousin won his moneybut it was damm funny lahx.hahaxcause when we play on the bed,he lostand i mean he lost damm baadly lahx.den so we play on the floor he start winningbut in the end,he lost to us too.hahaxcause we took out all our weapons siaexample like piggy bank and stuff.hahaxits quite lame lahx.but it reali works lahxbut i think when we went to living room playhe won back quite alot of money lahx.so yamy mother and uncle all lose money.saturday they are coming my hse to eatand all say wan play again.hahax..i think maybe saturday i going out lahxi dunnoe oso lahx.shall see first bahx.haixanyway i miss my baby right now..i miss toking to my baby lahx.sorbsorb.tat time ask kathy she and marcus how long leand she tell me nearly 2 years le.i was shock cancause the longest she stead was 3 month plusi am like so jealous can.they can stead so longanyway i hope that they 2 cn last long.cause i dun wanna see her sad.i wan her happythats what cousins are for.hahax.i am so lame.ok think shall blog until here lahx.yup
1:55 PM